Mother's Day

In several countries in the Western World, the second Sunday in May has been declared Mother's Day. In some other countries, including Muslim ones, different dates in spring are given. But the idea is the same. It originated in America in the early 20th century when Anna Jarvis suggested to fix a day to especially honour one's mother, and soon spread all over the world wherever people felt it was meaningful (although it was not always taken up for completely unselfish reasons).

I remember that in my childhood my brothers and I proudly used to get up early on that Sunday morning, to make our beds ourselves, to lay the breakfast table, to get flowers and presents ready, to rehearse poems for the occasion that we had learned by heart, and to wake up Mother for the "big surprise". The enthusiasm usually faded at dishwashing after lunch, but the intention to give Mother a "day off" was clearly there although we felt that Mother's response could have been more encouraging and appreciating than her laconic remark, "I wish you were like that for the rest of the year."

She had a point there, of course. The religious obligation of honouring one's parents is not fulfilled by arranging for them to have a "special day" but is rather an everyday commitment. You can find out details in a variety of booklets on "Huqû:q al-Wâlidayn", "Parents' Rights" in quite a number of languages at any bookstall in the Muslim world, complete with quotations from the Qur'an and the Tradition. After all, as many scholars keep pointing out, honouring one's parents is frequently mentioned immediately after worshipping God - not only in the Qur'an but also in earlier holy scriptures: next to the Creator, our parents, especially our mothers, had a key role in our very existence in this world and, through their careful education, in what we are now. Be grateful to God and to your parents! We are also frequently reminded of the Prophet's statement, "Paradise lies at the mothers' feet."

There is, however, also another side of the coin that can be looked at from various perspectives.

Parents are human beings. This sounds too self-evident to be mentioned, and yet it is sometimes important to keep it in mind, especially since, for very young children, they come across as beings on whom literally all life depends, who apparently know and can do all things. In fact our very first ideas of mercy, wisdom and justice are shaped by these powerful impressions a long time before we understand that they are reflections of divine attributes. The more it affects a child when parents are not happy: this can cause feelings of helplessness and guilt. But since parents are human, there may be times when they feel helpless themselves for reasons of their own, for example when they are faced with serious economic or social challenges while their children's development confronts them with questions they never had a chance to ask themselves. Out of fear for their children, some parents then try to keep them within their own customary boundaries by pointing out their religious obligation, appealing to their gratefulness, and prohibiting anything they are suspicious of. Sometimes this leaves only little space to move, especially for daughters. Parents are human beings, but so are children. They need good values to be guided by and confidence to unfold the potential that the Creator has given them. We should keep in mind that the Arabic word haqq, plural huqû:q, means both rights and obligations. "Huqû:q al-Wâlidayn" means both "Rights of Parents" and "Duties of Parents". Children do have an obligation to respect their parents and to care for them when they are old, but it is equally the parents' duty to feed and clothe their children and bring them up in the best and most loving way, especially daughters who will be the mothers of tomorrow.

Another aspect is the role of a mother. We frequently find a strong emphasis on the biological role. Pregnancy, birth and caring for a baby is certainly part of a great miracle in creation and needs a lot of energy and discipline. But to make a woman's value and self-esteem dependent on how many children she has or to look down on women who have none is unjust and cruel.

The Arabic word umm, mother, includes more than biology. Being derived from the verb amma, to proceed, to lead, to give an example, it also means source, origin, essence, matrix and original and is often used in the metaphorical sense. Thus, Surat al-Fâtiha, the first Surah, is also called Umm al-Qur'an, literally "Mother of the Qur'an", because it contains the essence of the Qur'an.

The Qur'an itself uses the term "Mothers of the Faithful" for the wives of the Prophet Muhammad. This is not in order to describe their biological role: in fact, only two of them had children with the Prophet. Nor does an otherwise concise book as the Qur'an use terms like this for mere politeness. Rather the position of these women was like that of mothers of the community, teaching, giving an example, counselling, caring for the poor and underprivileged. Khadî:ja, after the death of her first two husbands, managed her own business in spite of the impediments women were confronted with in those days; her spiritual maturity enabled her to recognize the Prophet's experience and give him the support he needed, especially in the time of persecution. Â'isha, the only woman who had not been married before and the target of inappropriate speculation, was one of the most important scholars and a recognized authority on legal and theological questions. Hafsa was another important teacher of the community. Zaynab was known for her commitment to the underprivileged and was nicknamed "Mother of the Poor". Umm Salama emigrated to Abyssinia with her family in the time of the persecution and later on to Madinah; after her husband was killed in a war, she and her children found a new home with the Prophet where she became a scholar and one of his advisors. Umm Habî:ba was another emigrant to Abyssinia where her husband left her and her baby daughter; she married the Prophet and became another important teacher.

These and other women, whether they had children or not, were models for the men and women of the community. Not to be copied or imitated - that would be something that only very young children do, and besides, we live in a completely different time and age - but as inspiring and encouraging examples for ourselves and our children. We may take the opportunity to remember them and all other women in world history who had a motherly role as examples of faith and trust that can change the world.

God, I call You in public like a Master is called, and I call You in solitude like a Beloved is called. In public I say, "My God!", and in solitude I say, "My Friend!" I bear witness for Your sovereignty by admitting that You are my Master and the One to whom I will return. Your mercy for me began before I was even mentioned: You created me from earth, then you made me rest in the loins and moved me into the womb. You shaped me and gave me a dwelling-place in the darkness between flesh and blood and shaped me into a human being. Then You brought Me out into the world, complete in body and health, and protected me in the cradle as a tiny baby and nourished me with wholesome milk. You prepared for me my mother's lap and made love and tenderness for me grow in her heart. You brought be up and guided me in the most beuatiful way. You protected me from evil forces and bad people. You protected me from excess in my body that could harm me and from lack that could put me to shame. Hallowed are You and gloriefied, my Creator and Cherisher, Most Merciful - even if I were to exhaust all words, I would not be able to praise Your wonderful kindness.

The supplication was transmitted from the mystic Dhun-Nun Misri

(c) Halima Krausen, 2007